Recent happenings…

I’m currently on my way to Mae Sai to do a border run, necessary to keep my visa valid. I could have done a 30 day extension in town, but that’s 1900 baht, plus the cost it takes to get there and back (unknown but red trucks aren’t always super honest about places beyond the old city) and it’s super unpredictable in terms of wait time etc. 

I decided instead to just commit to being out for the day, do a border run (the tickets cost less than 500 baht return) to the Burmese border, pay my (hopefully) $10 to go into Burma (or 500baht- but the USD is a bit cheaper… but not always accepted so we’ll see!) have some lunch and a bit of an explore around the border town before hopping back on the bus. Yes, it takes longer but in the end, I think it’ll be a much better experience than sitting in an immigration office surrounded by other expats! Plus the drive is offering up some beautiful views!

Some things which have been happening recently: 

  • I organised a trip to and hiked through Doi Inthanon national park! It was an adventure from the moment I posted the notice asking if anyone wanted to join, but definitely worth it! In the end there were 7 of us who took the plunge and went on the tour, ably led by our guide “Mr P”. Throughout the trek, he told us about and showed us various herbal medicines, bush tucker (Thai style) and tools which could be found in the jungle. The hike itself was really chilled, gently undulating with some pretty intense downhills at points. There were a few slippages here and there but no one was seriously injured… despite the threat of mudfoot/bootmud/wetboot… all the names we came up with when trying to remember what trench foot was called after falling into a waterfall and soaking our socks and shoes. One highlight of the day was finding out about Mr P’s life- he was a monk for 12 years as a teenager and went into the service because it offered free education, food and accommodation. I found this really interesting and wonder how many monks do the same for the same reasons and if this has ever been a consideration for Christian ministry in the past- particularly in places like Ireland etc. Another highlight was the food. Mr P and our two porters cooked us up a true feast of chicken and tofu roasted over the open fire, sticky rice and the most amazing vegetables which were wrapped in a banana leaf pouch and steamed over the fire also. They were amazing. We ate our fill of this, and beautiful fresh fruit under the canopy of the jungle, waterfall in the background, while sitting on a tarp of banana leaves. It was pretty magical. If you’re ever in Chiang Mai, I highly recommend doing a tour with Pooh’s Eco Trekking. They’re absolutely wonderful. 
  • At work, we’ve farewelled Jack but welcomed a new face to the team! Jing, who used to work in the kitchen is now back in Thailand so her little boy can go to school here! She’s so lovely and it’s been great getting to know her. P ohn, our current chef and my student, will be leaving us soon 😞 but Jing is super great so I’ll recover.
  • I went to an amazing dance performance which I understand less than half of. But it was very cool and I loved seeing the different styles of story telling they utilised 
  • I’ve been tutoring P ohn and Yim for the last two weeks, going over the menu and looking at our vocab words- linking verbs like slicing and dicing to the dishes they’re used in. We’ve also watched some videos which they narrated- naming the ingredients and actions of the chefs. 
  • It’s been really good to start getting to know Yim and P ohn a bit more- Yim showed me a video of her presenting her mum with a Mother’s Day present and P ohn told me how she was spoilt this weekend too. I showed them some pictures of my parents and am reliably informed that I look like them- a cross between, which is a good thing!
  • My bike tyres go flat very quickly which can make it very hard to ride with confidence. 
  • I’ve met some amazing people over here- the latest being a documentary film maker whose new project sounds so amazing I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re seeing it nominated for awards in the very near future
  • Speaking of documentaries, if you haven’t seen “I am not your negro” then you definitely should. Important and beautifully made and devastating film. I wish it weren’t so relevant. 
  • We’ve had some groups come through recently and it’s been cool to meet people who are so invested in helping grassroots organisations like FBC. If you’re coming to Chiang Mai with a school group or similar, please consider booking a visit with us! You get lunch, a talk and a q and a session. I also got to hear Seng Lao’s story for the first time. She’s one of our ex students who then worked in the cafe, kitchen and then in the office while preparing for uni- which is where she is now! The adversity which she has had to overcome makes me feel exceptionally guilty for any complaints I made about my own education experience and her gratitude and maturity are well beyond her years- though she’s lived through more than most of us ever will. 
  • I used this service called wash drop to wash my sheets and it was the greatest thing ever. I love clean sheets. 
  • Waxing is still an adventure every single time.
  • Thai massages are the best way to recover from hiking- but be prepared for tiny ladies to dig their elbows into your calves and hamstrings because they’re “so tight”. 
  • Only seen 4 rats. Heard more but walked into the road to avoid any chance of seeing them. Good life choice. 
  • Booked my River Kwai trip! I finally got the hotels.com issue sorted after a lot of (reasonably) calm but clearly pissed off interactions. I have decided I’m just doing it myself because then I can decide what I want to see and when. Accomodation is all sorted too! I’m staying in a bungalow on the river (not a hostel!)
  • Almost finished creating resources at work! I wish I was able to use existing stuff but I’m much too much of a control freak for that
  • Finally got to talk to my bestie this week. Makes a huge difference, even if it’s just a short burst 🙂 
  • Said goodbye to my new friend Jennifer on Sunday 😦 I’ll miss our foodie adventures and shared outrage over old white men being gross
  • Have slightly fallen in love with 10baht bags of chia seeds, collagen jelly (both with no sugar) filled up with hot soy milk. It’s so lovely- especially after getting caught in the rain! 
  • I’m getting better at avoiding/being prepared for the rain
  • I bought a cactus for my room! Well, it’s a family of cacti. I’ll introduce them soon. 
  • I have a watch tan. 
  • I’m constantly shocked by the smallness of the world. I visited a new church on Sunday (which I think will become my church) and I met a couple there who knows the Conibear family really well and hosts the group from Maranartha which comes everywhere- which I went to a trivia night to support when I was back in Melbourne! This is the second time I’ve met people with intimate connections to students. What even. 
  • It’s hard to update your voting details while overseas. Regardless, I’m trying! Voting is a right people died for and even in a non binding, non compulsory, totally unnecessary plebiscite, I intend to honour the responsibility that it is to vote. 
  • I have two sets of little dumbbells! Along with my TRX and resistance band, they’re making workouts a lot more fun!  
  • I did the fish spa thing. It was very weird and my friend Larissa and I were very giggly the whole time. 

Hopefully that’s a bit of an update on life in Chiang Mai! Miss you all- although apparently it was Parent Teacher Interviews recently so… not that much 😂 

Love you! 😘😘

Thai Tidbits

I thought I should do a quick little post. I haven’t done anything “special” recently- I’m going to Pai this weekend which will warrant a blog post soon- but every day is filled with something cool! Here are 5 little things which have happened in the last MONTH I’ve been here which aren’t particularly of note but which characterise my time in Chiang Mai.

  1. I finally decided that I needed to wax my hippy-vegan-femme-tacular legs (they were starting to bother me a little bit, but to be honest, I never felt particularly self conscious about the hair. A nice change from home when a tiny bit of stubble caused me to wear tights on beautiful days…) and so went into a little salon that looked clean and reasonably priced… I managed to convey I wanted a half leg wax and so the lady motioned for me to sit on the low couch and stick my leg out. In the main shop. Just in the open. Now, I’m assuming (hoping) it would have been different for a full wax or God forbid, a brazilian, but for a half leg it was fine, if not a little amusing. I was given a free bottle of water and LOTS of compliments that I was “SO WHITE”. It was the smoothest and most pain free wax I’ve ever had so will be back next time.
  2. There are plenty of Facebook expat groups which people update pretty regularly with questions, local events, services, recommendations for cafes, inane banter, bitcoin advice and requests for meetups! I love these groups because it means I have a social life and it keeps me up to date with what’s on around town, even if I can’t go this particular week- it’s pretty likely that it will be on again. In one of these groups, a man (who I later learn is SPOILER ALERT lovely) posted asking for volunteers for a special kind of Thai massage as he is currently training and needs to practice on people as much as possible. This sounded a) amazing [yay! Free!] but b) suss as hell. So, I messaged him and asked:
    Where is the massage located?
    What parts of the body are massaged? and
    What would I be wearing?
    He responded quickly that it was in a public temple training school, it was full body apart from the normal areas avoided in FBM and that I would be fisherman pants and a loose top. I quickly responded that I would LOVE to be a guinea pig for this massage practice and I WAS NOT disappointed. Simon was LOVELY and I’ll definitely be back to help him out again. I know it’s a sacrifice and even I’m shocked at how altruistic I am, but sometimes you just have to give back.
  3. During my cooking class, we went to a market (like most classes) and the lady took us to a stall with- according to her- over 50 kinds of garlic. It was all I could do not to just DIE in happiness. The love that Thai’s have for garlic in their food knows no bounds and one of my favourite things is the regularity of getting raw slices of garlic on the side to add to my curry or soup or stir fry. Honestly, SO delicious. Speaking of delicious things, one of my most favourite street food snacks has become whole roasted sweet potato- cooked over the grill. A bag of them will set you back 20baht or so and it’s literally just sweet potato. Makes a nice change of carb from rice- though I do love that too.
  4. I did a boxing class recently which  was SUPER awesome and I need to go back (I literally have something on every night this week which means I can’t do this week) but I was struck (heh) by how different it was from boxing back home… mainly in the physicality of the instructor! I don’t think I’ve ever been slapped so much. “Power from HERE (slaps thigh) and  HERE (slaps shoulder)” “Hands Up! (lightly hits me on the JAW!)” It was definitely an experience and one which taught me to a) loosen up- (I never felt unsafe or anything! It was just the style of teaching) and b) keep my guard up!
  5. I know I keep posting about this but OMG the rain. Rainy season is not a misnomer in any way. It rains at least once a day and  when it rains, it pours. It can be beautiful in the morning and then pour in the afternoon, or vice versa, or just threaten all day, or something else entirely. I’ve become better at bringing my gorman around with me everywhere but I’ve also just started to embrace it at times. It does sometimes suck when you’re on the bike, at night, though. Not a fan of riding in the dark and the rain. It makes me feel like my travel insurance is being voided, haha. But if you stay in because of the rain then you’re not going to get anything done so you just need to BE PREPARED and also, be prepared to change your plans- something I’m learning to accept 🙂

There’s lots more of course, from my tutoring of the chef at Free Bird Cafe to my adventures in trying to find sugar free bread to becoming lost almost every Sunday morning getting to church, to my weekly runs which have been different every week so far, to my daily workouts/sweatfests, to my attendance at zumba/aerobics thing… every day is slightly different and it’s been so wonderful to have a casual routine but to also have let go of control and instead just trusted that I’m going to be ok, whatever happens.

Cool things coming up:

  • I’m going to Pai this weekend (literally the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done) for the Jazz festival!
  • I have a church BBQ on Friday night
  • My visa run to Penang in September! I’ve booked a food tour for my first night there and a cycle tour for the Saturday. I CANNOT wait. It looks so beautiful.
  • think I’m going to go trekking in Doi Inthanon in August… it depends how many people I can recruit.
  • Class starting on the 4th of September!!

Hope you guys are enjoying the blog- if you have any questions about anything, every day life or otherwise, feel free to comment 🙂

Love and miss you all,

Amy xx

 

South East Amy So Far…

Image may contain: 1 person, sky, cloud, outdoor and nature

It’s been 5 days that I’ve been in this country and it already feels like I belong here. Yes, I can’t read any signs and I definitely miss the grid system of Lovely Melbourne and I can’t speak the language and I’ve probably been over charged and I’ve probably unwittingly offended people but this place is just beyond what I thought it would be. The spirit of the people is as intense as the damp heat and the sense of possibility is as sweet as the fruit I’ve been eating off street stalls. I know it will be a challenge at times (I’ve just realised my wifi in my apartment only allows one device to be connected at a time which is fine, I just have to get used to it) but it’s hard to get used to for someone who’s used to being connected to everything, all of the time. Other challenges I forsee:

  • Cycling on these roads.

When I went on my cycling tour of Bangkok (post to come) I was struck by how quiet the back streets were… but how narrow and scary they also were. Chiang Mai- as far as I can see doesn’t have the latter issue. The back streets seem nice and wide and easy to get around, but the main streets are just as busy and mildly terrifying, I’m not going to lie. Although, I have mastered (that term has never been used more loosely) merging across a 3 lane road to turn right or do a u-turn. People are actually super tolerant of cyclists so I think I’ll end up ok… it’ll just take some getting used to, I suppose! I’ll come back fearless!

 

  • Managing my thermostat.

I don’t like sleeping with the air conditioner on. At all. But, if I leave my doors open, the carnival/night market across the road is really loud AND I’m paranoid about insects coming in. Not because I’m scared of insects… I’m just scared of the blood borne diseases they carry.

So, I tend to turn the aircon on, wake up freezing, turn it off, wake up boiling, turn it on… and it continues ad nauseum.

 

  • Cold showers.

My ex-personal trainer will be thrilled to know that I’ll be adopting his fat burning recommendation of cold showers while I’m in CM as it seems my shower has two settings- cold and slightly less cold. Which, to be honest, I don’t mind. It’s actually really refreshing and I don’t really want a hot shower at this point in time. But… it’s still a shock to the system, no matter how hot and sweaty you are post in-room workout.

 

  • Making decisions.

For anyone who has ever dined with me, you know decisions are hardly my strong point. It is why I love chef’s menus which don’t give you any choice, combination plates which let you try a little of everything and fro yo bars which let you put as many flavours and toppings into your cup as your heart so desires. It’s why I love HIIT hybrid workouts so I can practice my lifting while also getting my cardio in. It’s why I’m a “plan in advance” person so I can know precisely what I’m going to do and when I’m going to do it. This is a bit harder when I purposely did not plan much for this portion of my trip… which means I need to decide what I’m going to do each day. This has been interesting thus far but I’ve sort of settled into a routine-

 

  • Wake up around 6:30
  • Do an in room HIIT workout- either self run or using Fitness Blender
  • Have breakfast (this either involves having some fruit and yoghurt [I found a tiny little fresh yoghurt place that sells tubs of homemade, pro biotic, natural yoghurt w. NO SUGAR! Win!], and vegemite on these cracker things I found which are sort of like saladas OR strolling down to the wet market and getting a traditional Thai breakfast of egg, rice and some sort of stirfried dish.) and do my quiet time.
  • Linger over the beautiful Nancy Chandler map of Chiang Mai and decide what incredible thing I’m going to do this morning.
  • Ride bike/walk in general direction of that thing hoping for the best.
  • Find thing (it’s closed)
  • Ride/walk around aimlessly, taking note of cool looking places to visit. Meander like the locals
  • Head to TFH by 10am if I’m not teaching that night…
  • And to be honest, I’m not sure what I do there. Today is my first day so it’s still v early stages- I’m basically learning where things go.
  • Have a delicious lunch. I’m going to work my way through their menu, it all looks so divine.
  • Back to work…
  • Ride home around 5- if I’m not teaching that night…
  • Chill for a bit while I decide what to do that night… I’m not really a massive party animal so I need to be sure that I get my sleep. I also don’t want to spend loads on red trucks and tuk tuks, so I want to be able to walk/ride to most places myself… but I’m still not very confident on the roads. So… we shall see. I would like to go to documentary screening tonight about the Burmese Civil War which is still affecting many of our students, but I think I’ll take a red truck there as I’m not 100% confident in riding to the location… or rather, riding back in the dark. Most nights I’m envisaging heading over to the night market or one of the many vendors/restaurants in the area, grabbing some food and enjoying it while people watching or reading my book.
  • Have an earlyish night and fight with the air conditioning as to ensure a good nights sleep, ready for another day tomorrow.

 

The freedom is divine and actually really challenging for me, so it’s been a good learning experience ALREADY, and it’s only week 1! I think it’ll get easier, or just be different, when there’s another volunteer who I might be able to do things with. Someone is starting tomorrow (Friday!)

 

  • Coming home.
    It’s already dawning on me how quickly this year will go and all the things I’ll miss when I’m at home, or even while I’m travelling. I don’t want to dwell on this though as I know this year will be life changing and life at home will be so rewarding when I return and all the more richer for this experience.

 

  • Visas….
    Still scared. Don’t want to think about the border runs I need to do.

I’m certain this list will grow and expand but at the moment, this is it. Which is pretty good, so far I think!

I’ve been so struck while I’ve been here how blessed I am to be able to do what I’m doing. I’ve always known that I’m privileged to do what I’m doing but I really think this trip is such a gift and I thank God every day that I’m able to explore my world so freely, so safely and hopefully, have an impact while I’m doing it.

Thanks for following along and supporting me in your prayers and thoughts. I’ll post more about what I did in BKK soon!

Sawadee Ka!

It’s time. 

It’s now The Month That I Leave. I leave in 16 sleeps. It’s 2 weeks and 2 days before I go. I am now officially counting down the days. 
I feel ready most of the time. Every so often I absolutely freak out, but mostly in a excitement. I haven’t had an “Oh God, help me! What have I done?!” moment yet (I’m sure it will come though!). But generally, I feel ready and willing to get my life shaken up in all sorts of ways. 
For those of you not in the know (I don’t know how- I am literally the worst and will not slipping it into conversation) I’m about to embark on the gap year I never had- I’m going to Thailand to volunteer with Burmese refugees. I’ll be living in Chiang Mai for 6 month, working with the Thai Freedom House as a teacher and in their office. After this experience, I’ll be travelling to Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam and Singapore. I fly back into Australia on the 28th of March next year, into Darwin, before flying to Brisbane and then (depending on circumstances!) road tripping back to Melbourne. 
I’m going to be doing it solo- meeting people as I go and finding new things out- about myself, about my world, about this life. 
And I cannot wait. 
Why Thailand?
I’ve always loved- LOVED- Thailand- its culture, its people, its vibe. When I was 10, I went on a 5-6 week holiday to visit my uncle who, at the time, lived and worked in Thailand. It wasn’t the typical holiday you imagine when a 10 year old says they went to Thailand. My parents took me everywhere- we went up north, out to the River Kwai, down south to Phuket (of course)- taking our time on the way to each destination. Yes, it was a package tour- it made sense for us- but it wasn’t entirely sanistised. I wasn’t in a resort enclave the entire trip. I was exposed to real poverty. I was exposed to the sex tourism industry. While I didn’t totally understand, I knew that what I was seeing was wrong and that sparked a life long (thus far) passion for the marginalised and voiceless. 
And ever since, I’ve wanted to go back and do something on the ground. 
Why TFH?
When I decided to just DO this thing I’d be dreaming of forever, I started researching different options for volunteering. There was a lot of voluntourism options where it seemed like the focus was on getting through the hour or two you were with the kids so you could go travelling/drinking. Or, they were 1-2 week stop overs where you ticked the “good person” box and got the necessary Insta pics with the adorable children. 
Neither of these options appealed to me for a variety of reasons and please understand that I’m not passing judgment on either of those options, they just weren’t for me. I didn’t want something short term or easy to get. I wanted a vigorous screening and approval process. I wanted a program where I was working and helping an existing organisation who would appreciate my help and where my help would last beyond my time there. I wanted my help not to be a hindrance. 
Thai Freedom House seemed to provide all of these things. Their program looks vigorous. I look like I’ll be actually helpful. I think I’ll provide skills that they can use! I think my own skills will be nurtured and grown.

I’ll be thrust out of my comfort zone in very real ways and Thai Freedom House also gives great support to their volunteers. 

I know my money will go toward incredible work and not to advertising and brochures.
Why now?
In 2015 I had a quarter life crisis, 1 year early, and I felt like I had stagnated. So much had changed in my passions and life since school and yet I was still there. In a different role, yes but still.
I decided to look for a new church at the same time. 
A lot of my friends were getting married which not only increased the feeling of stagnation in my perpetually single life but also made me feel a little isolated because my own stupid brain told me they didn’t need me anymore- and that was purely me.
I started a uni course in desperation and unenrolled just as quickly as I enrolled when I realised I was running and not trusting God.
Then I decided that it made sense to finish another year at school- but in a slightly smaller role to allow myself to rest a bit more and not fall into my highly perfectionist trap I laid for myself- and then move on from my perfectly controlled life and give it to God. And what better way to do that than to go and live and work O/S- in a non English speaking, developing nation.
I didn’t have any obligations, no boyfriend, no debts, no loose ends… just an open door and a God who was whispering that He had me and I just needed to let Him take the lead. 
And so I saved like a monster. Gave my notice at work. Started the process of applying for TFH and now it’s here. 
And I’m ready, most of the time. 
If you’d like to follow my adventures and learning experiences please keep an eye on Facebook and this blog. I’ll be posting life updates, work specific stuff, fitness posts, faith posts, personal posts and travel posts.
I look forward to going on this journey together. 
Please pray for me, if you’re the praying type. I’ll need strength, the ability to rest, friends, an escape from my obsessions with exercise and food which occasionally rear their ugly heads and help to stay focused on the one constant- my faith. 

Come with me, it’ll be one hell of a (non- elephant) ride. 

The Gap Between My Legs is Closing – A Poem.

the Gap between my legs is closing

                                                                      and with it- the gap between my eyes and my size. I know-

most-

…some

of the time

that I Look:

                STRONG

                HEALTHY

                WELL

                HAPPY

I Am:

                STRONG

                HEALTHY

                WELL

                HAPPY

 

but

sometimes

my eyes still glaze and the haze of “flashback fog” takes me back to no rack-
ed plates on barbells
and jutting collar-
ed shirts that don’t swell
and space between thighs
and try as I might

the head doesn’t always win over the ghosts of ill fitting sizes of obsession

 

BUT

it’s worth it when it does because my cheeks are flush
and my hair is –annoying!— but lush
and I can sit without pain and I can
lift without shame
and I can run without needing to
and I can rest without feeling…                                                                                                                                                                                                                               too
lazy.

And I can take my own advice
to “look after yourself”
instead of shelving it on the “not for me” shelf”

… most… some… Sundays.

And I move ‘cause it feels good
and I eat not just because I should
and I eat well not just because I said I would
I want to, I want to, I want to and it’s just
the best.
And I don’t fear anything…

most… some… meal times.

                                                                                       and the gap between my legs is closing
and with it, the gap between what I say and what I write and what I think when I look in the mirror

is,

slowly, most times, sometimes…

closing too.

//

This is a hard one to press publish on. For all sorts of reasons. It speaks of my no.1 biggest sin- my need to control my life instead of giving everything over to God. It speaks of my no.2 biggest sin- finding my identity in things other. But it also speaks of a struggle for so many women and girls and boys and men. It speaks of this need to be thinner or leaner or whatever and that anything that gets you there is worth it and that lean = the best when actually, lean doesn’t necessarily equal healthy or even that fit. It also speaks a little to comparison and the way we distort ourselves when we look through a warped mirror like that of social media, or even the people around us. This isn’t an issue for everyone but I know that I can very easily fall into the comparison trap and it plays into my natural competitiveness. But I need to reject that and focus on what’s important in my life:

My God
My health
My purpose

And all of these things point to the same ultimate conclusion: stop looking at yourself. I was going to say “stop looking at yourself through a distorted lens” but I think it’s more poignant (for me) to simply stop being so concerned with the perception of ME and instead be focusing on what God’s doing through me, what I’m doing to help others, what my gifts and talents are and instead of focusing on something so fleeting as my physical appearance, instead be focusing on things of a more lasting and even eternal nature. I am still always going to care about my health and my fitness which will be reflected in my body, but it shouldn’t be my number one priority. My priorities should be my relationship with God, my relationship with others and my relationship with the world around me. And in each of these priorities my love of fitness and love of healthy food plays a part.

Let me explain, if I truly value my relationship with God, I truly value every gift he has given me- including my body- and I believe He wants me to be physically fit and strong to do what he has designed me to do. I know I couldn’t have lost the weight I did, the way I did, with the ease I did, without Him. I not only lost weight but other things in my life which had a hold on me were shed too. I also think He took me down in order to demonstrate the hold control had over my life, even when I didn’t realise it. He continues to work on me in this area and I know fitness is somewhere in this plan. 

Secondly, my relationships with others have developed and grown and my fitness has played a part in that. I’ve been told countless times that I inspire people and that I spur people on. I like to think I’m encouraging and a good friend. I hope I am and that my love of fitness can help others come to a similar place. I also think my “journey” has enabled me to better understand people who are coming from a similar place at both ends of the scale. While I was never a full blown victim of an ED, my thinking around food, exercise and my body was not healthy and I think I can relate to people better for it.

Thirdly, my relationship with the world around me. There is so much to be done. So much to get passionate about and to change. Today is National Sorry Day. We continue to reject refugees and asylum seekers. Racism and sexism is rife. People live in fear. I want to be a part of this change and community engagement is part of that. Food is part of that. Fitness can be a part of that. I believe my purpose is to use my passions- writing, food, fitness, education, social justice, faith… to affect some of this social change- even if on a small scale. I want to make my students think about their words. I want them to think about their vote. I want them to think about their voice. I want my students to make ethical choices. I don’t want them to buy into the economy of fear. I don’t want my students to hate themselves. I don’t want them to make others hate themselves. I don’t want my students to compare themselves to others. I don’t want my students to live unhealthy lives. If I can be a role model- I can change lives… I hope. 

So… even though posting this was scary, I hope it did something for someone. 

Lessons from Mum- a poem

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Hold my hand when crossing the road

Hold on to the swing

Hold the door open for everyone.

Unless they’re too far away— it gets awkward

Don’t spend longer than 10 minutes on hold

Don’t hold onto your pee too long. It’s bad for you

Maximum hold hairspray is only for special occasions

Hold your breath when using maximum hold hairspray

Hold on, I’m a coming

Hold your head up high

Don’t hold onto people who aren’t trying to hold onto you

Hold faith

Hold yourself in high regard

Hold the people in your life to high standards

Hold yourself to higher ones

Hold your bag across your body

Hold the line

Hold dinner parties

Hold up those who can’t hold up themselves

But make sure someone is holding you*

*I will always be holding you

Hold on tight

Especially when you think you can’t hold on anymore

Hold fast

Hold out for the right man

Don’t hold back

If someone promises you something, hold them to it

Don’t hold back your tears, emotions or thoughts. They all have value.

Hold that plank a little longer

Hold everything in perspective

Hold my hand when crossing the road… and the path… and the raging river and the slow stream and when you’ve gone ahead across the ocean and when we’re only a metre apart and when you don’t want to and when you don’t need to and when you do and when you try and when you’re not sure and especially when you just don’t know.

Hold my hand and don’t ever let go.

~

Thank you for holding me in your womb, your arms, your respect, your esteem and in high regard. I hold you dearer than you will ever know.

Love, Amy

5 minute Friday- Breathe

If you’re a regular reader, you know the drill. Friday is my day to take 5 minutes to do some free writing based on a prompt provided by the wonderful Kate Motaung and share it with the whole 5 minute Friday community. Today’s prompt is breathe.

I want to be a tree.

Why?

Because the state of the world today is infusing within me a deep sense of uncertainty, confusion, despair and shame.

I hate observing these images of tiny children made smaller by the weight of ravaging survival pulling them closer to the depths

I wish I could block out the fear mongering speeches of men- and women- who have known nothing but red hot privilege- relative though it may be- as they point their ringed fingers at those who are seeking just a fraction of those hands hold

I wish I could stand as a shield and absorb the proclamations of hate which respond to the shrill dog whistle broadcast by those who cannot claim ignorance but target those who, in vulnerable bliss, do not need to

But I can’t.

All I can do is make like a tree;

breathe in this toxic air and breathe out life, kindness, fact and hope that those who need it most will fill their lungs with deep, gulping, gasps.