If you’re a regular reader, you know the drill. Friday is my day to take 5 minutes to do some free writing based on a prompt provided by the wonderful Kate Motaung and share it with the whole 5 minute Friday community. Today’s prompt is “purpose”
I struggle with doing nothing.
I struggle with just sitting and relaxing. Binge watching. Reading for long stretches of time. Blogging endlessly.
I used to be fine with just chilling out. I used to watch TV mindlessly, endlessly… I used to scroll through tumblr for hours. I used to just sit and do Nothing for what felt like years.
But ever since I lost weight- got active- got up- stopped sitting on my butt and doing nothing all the time- got busy- I’ve felt a sense of guilt for having any sort of rest.
I struggle with my days off not having a purpose- or at least one I deem “worthy” in my mind.
Even though I know- I KNOW- rest is necessary part of any schedule, any life, any existence. Even though my GOD dedicated a day to rest and commands me to do the same. Even though my body cries out for rest on occasion. Even though I have a million books I want to read, movies I want to watch, TV shows I want to catch up on… AND ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE PURPOSEFUL…
It’s still a struggle.
So today, my day off, involved preparing for a picnic tomorrow, and early morning reformer class, lots of cooking (and therefore tasting and therefore eating and therefore feeling fat and gross, even though all the food I ate was healthy…), some shopping (which enhanced the fat and gross feeling because I’ve gained weight- which I know in my head is good but in my sick head is B.A.D), all the while I’ve caught up on West Wing.
All with purpose. Busy, busy, busy. Purpose, purpose, purpose.
Maybe next day off, I’ll just make my purpose entirely: REST.